I found myself lost again.
Hopeless… helpless.
Whatever I was doing no longer brought happiness. This feeling had been coming and going for many months. When I was working with someone—family, people around me—I felt fine. But the moment I was alone, with nothing specific to do, a deep emptiness would rise. I couldn’t understand what was happening to me.
Then came a point where I felt completely tired.
I didn’t know where I was going. I felt like I was crawling—completely drained by responsibilities. There was no joy. I was chasing God’s lotus feet, yet because of exhaustion, I felt very far from Him. That distance hurt the most. It was deeply disappointing, because after years of self-motivation, learning from mistakes, walking through doubts and suffering with God’s hand always holding me, I believed I was strong.
I was strong.
And now, after cherishing that strength for so long, I found myself empty.
It began affecting my health.
I couldn’t focus on work. No ideas came. My mind felt blank. And in this state, I didn’t even feel like sharing with anyone. Some people made fun of me. Some said, “That’s it, your fire is over.” Others casually commented, “Take care of your mental state.”
But no one could hear what was happening inside.
Inside, my soul was shouting:
GOD. GOD. GOD.
My pulse would race. Pain rolled out through my eyes as tears. I was only eating and sleeping—nothing more.
With a very heavy heart, I forced myself to sit down. Eyes closed. I spoke to God. I introspected. And what I realized was simple yet profound: my soul was asking to go deeper within, while I was getting increasingly entangled in material responsibilities. For whatever reason, that imbalance was draining me.
And then, in silence, the answer came.
I need to make my path clear to fulfill my soul’s purpose.
And that is not possible without God’s guidance.
I don’t need answers.
I don’t need control.
I only need direction.
The moment this clarity arrived, I felt a deep calm. I became composed. From that moment on, there was only one prayer—whether eating, walking, working, sleeping:
GOD. GOD. GOD.
I need nothing else.
Friend is God.
Partner is God.
Mentor is God.
Doctor is God.
I am God.
And in that surrender, I experienced something rare—
Deep silence.
